I ran across this quote while doing research this week:
“The only war that counts is the war against the imagination.” – Diane di Palma
Made me stop and think about my internal war this summer. It’s not in my nature to stay in bed for 3 days. Or hide away from other people. Or not remember dates or words. (Seriously, I made car reservations 4 times – 4 times! – because I couldn’t remember/figure out the right dates of my trip.) I feel so unlike myself that I don’t trust anything that I do or say or think. My imagination is frozen. At the same time, my body and my mind feel like they’re moving through mud. I’m scared, because I can’t imagine a way out of this. Right now, the power of my body, of this illness, is greater than my ability to imagine my life being different: happy and healthy and whole and productive, kicking ass on all the projects I have planned.
I have a doctor’s appointment in early September. This doctor works specifically with hypothyroidism and adrenal issues. And, he does this holistically, which makes me very happy. Give me the power of the spirit and practical medicine over defined scientific limitations any day. A holistic approach feels like a very effective tool to fight this health war. While the procedures won’t be covered under my insurance, I’m praying the costs will be effective and worth it. Damn it, I’m going to imagine with everything left in me that this is the right procedure. I want my life back.