Sunday, August 5, 2012

Mothers & Daughters

Often, I am a reluctant daughter.

I love my mom, but I don't always want her closely involved in my life.  I don't want to hear her opinion, especially since this usually contradicts with mine.  A close friend pointed out that if Mom told me the sky was blue, I'd automatically disagree as a knee-jerk reaction.

Tulip close-up, garden 2012
The older Mom gets, the more I feel like she's the daughter and I'm the mom.  She's slowing down.  Some days, she accepts this gracefully, some days not so much.  Right now, I'm struggling to find a new balance in my relationship with her.  Especially as I enter a phase of expansion as my schooling takes on another level and I find my professional ground, while Mom's life becomes a bit more dependent.
Garden lily, 2012
I fear that the responsibility for caring for my mother will fall on my shoulders.  As women, we are often expected to care for others.  I rebel against this, wanting less responsibility at this point in my life - not more.  So, I'm not always gracious.  I limit my contact with Mom, perhaps at times when she might need me most.  
Bright lily, garden 2012
I'm praying for clarity in my mother/daughter relationship.  And for patience.  A sense of humor would probably be good as well.  And trust - that I'll do the best thing for her and the best thing for me.

4 comments:

  1. As someone who grew up with an elderly parent, and who rebels against the caretaker role too, I can understand where you're coming from. So, so much! I wish you the very best in finding a way to do what's best for both of you.

    Also, I applaud you for putting your needs into the equation! *Hugs.*

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    1. Hugs to you, too, Sarah! And thanks for the encouragement!

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  2. Both my parents are gone but I remember vividly having the inner fight with myself of not wanting the responsibility. I didn't want to become the parent and only realized that had indeed happened long after the fact. I now hope that I have the grace to always remain my daughters mother and not the other way round. You are right humor does help. I know you will find the best solution and do put importance to your own needs.

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    1. Thanks, Kepi. While I was in Dallas recently, I watched my friend interact with her mom. Very eye-opening, as I could see V's frustration but also witness her mom's pain and how easily her feelings were hurt. As the mom explained, the older she gets, the more tender her feelings become due to the increased dependency on others. I'm taking this as a lesson in my own life.

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