Sunday, February 23, 2014

Mortality

I drove home on roads like this:

Screen shot from "Ice Road Truckers."
Only it was snowing and raining and blowing, as well.  On a major highway.  One lane, with four inches of slush.  So that every time a semi passed, my car was covered and I was blinded.

I fully expected her to show up, at any moment.

Goddess of Death
Now, I remain very aware of my own mortality.

This has been a brutal winter.  And a winter that I'm doing lots of driving in conditions that I normally can avoid.  On a highway that's known for frequent accidents.

Frankly, I'm scared.  

But it wasn't until the ice road trucking experience that I figured out why I was scared.  'Cause that morning I woke up thinking, "I'm going to die today."  And, I guess, in a way, I did.

My thinking has shifted.  I recognize how strong my will to live is and it's made me question what I'm living for.  If I'm fighting so hard to live (and driving 50 miles in THAT was a fight), what am I fighting for?

Am I living the life I want to live?  Am I doing the things that I want to do before I die, the things I feel I must do?  

Because, now, I know, I am not immortal.  

And I don't mean this is the doom and gloomy sense.  But the practical get-busy-living sense.  The ice road = my wake up call.  Which I'm going to pay attention to so that I don;t have to learn the lesson in a stronger way.



 

3 comments:

  1. Ain't that the truth! I think many people need to have more of these live-life-now wake up calls because in this day and age, a majority of people definitely aren't doing what they love to do.

    Being chronically ill, I know better than a lot of people that life's too short to waste doing something you don't want to do!

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  2. Apparently, my warning wasn't complete. I spent early Tuesday in the ER, with a gall bladder attack. Surgery to come soon. And you know what? I'm okay with the surgery, 'cause I never want to feel pain like that again!

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